No One Understands Me, What Should I Do?

 Dear Myself.

I've realized when it's time for my age has got 26. There were a lot of things that changed and reacted me a lot of pressure. Working from 8 to 4, then stayed the night from 5 to 9 for my mom's convection. Actually, it's not actually things I had to do. I also realized the usual manner that re-adjust myself to become more rigidly and hard for myself to feel again "what is actually being happy". 

Currently, I worked at a therapist school that should handle special needs students. Moreover, as a teacher, it forced me to report detailed and clearly information about students following with students' behavior in daily. In sort of situation, this must be really simple thing. But apparently not. 

When you know that your potential is weaker than what people think that you should do, suddenly you hit your head so hard. Because, when you try to approach student as you think that they could be good as you think, in a meantime, they would make you weaker. You don't realize when the student could attack you once you're too good for them. You may feel everything would be alright as your doing is not making a mistake. But, when you don't approach more about their behavior deeply, you will be broken down by their attention. This would leave sort of wounds inside your mental slowly. 

Secondly, you may feel that when all-of-special needs are really stupid, narrow, and dull. But, don't you think that they had also a strong perception about what they've got perceived by experiences? Yeah, this makes you cannot be trusted, especially when their parents try to notice what they had been taking in the class. When you don't really expert in their subjects needed, then you may think that everything can be handled as easy as you did as they're special needs for not to 'think much', actually this reason in your mind can kill your trust to the parents. I may say that your potential becomes dull and narrow by making them into what you shared. That's why you lose your chances to enrich your trust and good credibility with their parents.

And last,
If you think this would is really as funny as you see, so beware of it. You're still not growing up your mind about reality. Remember that your knowledge would become a great-sharped knife once you're trapped in a sort of related issue or other people would have greater ones than you had since what you have is not really important at all. That's why. If you sharpen something unimportant, just like doing things you did in order to bound people warmth and happy to you, you just kill yourself slowly. Why? Because you didn't focus more on reality. You still wanted other people to get your funny attention, laughter, or something that may feel your pleasure, but actually, they didn't get you either. What could be happened if you're still around your head by doing your bad habits, figuring out something unrelatable with your work, and instead, you just got unpredicted outcomes or feedback from the students' parents that you didn't focus on your task! That's why your laughter or smiling every day is not always good at any time. You just mask your role as a 'good boy' or 'charming employee' but you cannot show your great credibility as a teacher!

Dear Myself,

I know life is really so goddammed-hard. I know that you cannot tell these things to all people. Your family, your girlfriend, your team workers, your friends, and all of fucking relations are bullshit. They just want to focus on their awareness, their job, or their attention to what they're doing next. See? When you can't hold your life, you may turn back into the previous life, but is it possible for you? I think if it would have happened, your parents would have been disappointed in you. Your friends are also. And all people thought that you were the savior of people's inspirations and ended by your fucking stressed out. 

Then, when no one can understand you, what should you do? 

~